Numb

This is the fourth day of Sarge being gone. Two full days of not knowing if he was safe, being fed, was being abused, where he was......then a phone call on Thursday night that he had been seen not a mile north of my house. My friend Cathy and I searched for over an hour in the dark. I called his name, nothing. He must have been hunkered down in the area for the night, but would not come out.

Yesterday there were 5 of us out looking. I had phone calls all day, saying where Sarge had been seen. He has now traveled south, crossing a very dangerous 4 lane highway, and a railroad yard with moving trains. The last sighting, he was still running, not hurt.

I have been told that Shelties "lose their mind" when they are lost. I don't doubt that. I saw my dog myself yesterday afternoon, called his name, and he ran from me. Not to me, from me. A knife through my heart. My chest ripped open.

But I still went out this morning, checking the area that he had been seen yesterday. He is gone again, on the move. My dog friends tell me he is not ready to be caught, he is enjoying himself, loving the freedom. I understand what they are saying, but this is the dog that has always been glued to my side. He has to know where I am in the house, and what I am doing. And now he runs....

The stress of this ordeal is taking it's toil. Gracie is not herself, does not want to go out into the backyard alone, won't stay out there when she does go out. She shakes and avoids me. Obviously she is picking up on the stress emanating from my body. The only time this stops is when we walk, and walk we did yesterday looking for Sarge. She has become protective of me, beyond reason. Gracie, who has always greeted people with a wiggle and a kiss, now stands alert and emits a low growling bark. What the hell happened in my own backyard this past Wednesday morning, that Sarge ran and Gracie stayed behind, now afraid? If only she could talk...

So I wait. I wait for the phone to ring, so I can once again look. The sun is out bright today, it will climb into the mid 50's. Maybe we'll get lucky, maybe we won't. And I wonder how much more I can endure, then I just put one foot in front of the other. I have to try. I have to.
Linda
 (The above photos are the last pictures I took of Sarge on March 8, 2011)